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I'm Back, I Can't Weigh and a New Blog (Kinda)

Hello everyone. Yes, its me.... I'm back! Where did I go? Well..... thats kinda a long story. I guess I was basically hanging out in the land of skinniness until I finally got evicted. A few (hundred?) doughnuts later and I am now back in chubbyville. So lets get down to business.  First, I am not sure what is worst: the fact that I have not posted on this blog in almost 3 years (yes, that is not a typo) or the fact that I am writing my own "welcome back" post at 2am during another random bout of insomnia (you would have thought the no bake, chewy, gooey, oatmeal fudge dollops I was shoving in my mouth right before bed would have ensured a good sugar induced coma). Anyway, the fact is that I slipped and I am now back ready to fight the good fight.

So what happened exactly? I'm not sure, but the one thing I do know is that I got skinny. Not like the "Lets call the hospital" skinny but more like the "I bet that girl hasn't seen a cupcake in ages" and "If you turned sideways you'd look like a zipper" skinny. (Yes, someone actually said that to me and in retrospect I now wonder if they were insinuating that my head is large??) Want proof I got skinny? Check out Exhibit A above (I'm the old one on the left). Ooooohhh.... those were the days!

So whats the long part of the story? Try major stress at work, several health problems, the death of my beloved Gma, and a long, drawn out remodel of our entire (new, tiny) living space. And so I basically hollered "Bring on the Bon-bons" and found myself blowing up like a pufferfish. Crap. Welcome back. Or as Shrek would say "Join the club, we have jackets." Crap.

So now I am chubby AGAIN and I can't weigh. Its a mental thing and sure, I admit its a little strange. Especially coming from someone who weighed every single day for YEARS. The reason I can't weigh is because I'm puffy and I know that the number is just going to piss me off. Somewhere deep, deep inside me I realize I need that number in order to assess the damage and formulate a plan but I think I want to detox a little first before facing the cold, hard truth. So....... I am going to take 5 days before I weigh to eat light, eat clean and drown my fat cells with fat-busting H2O. Until then I guess I will just have to gauge my progress by degrees of fluffiness and trust me, right now I am pretty damn fluffy.

And finally, lets talk about my new blog format. One day, several months ago, it occurred to me that I use to have a blog (yes, this one). When I logged on I saw that the "ancient scroll" format (that reminded me of pirates and treasure chests) had lost all of its details and my posts now looked like they were sitting on hot mustard. So I upgraded to a new, more modern template. This move was good in theory, but apparently you have to have a PhD in HTML to actually make the template function right. So for now some of my links don't work, my comments are squished up like rush hour traffic, my "read more" links are cut off and my tags are highlighted in bright red like they are a xmas present from me to you. Yep, no more ancient pirate blog for me. In a word: DENIED.

I am working through these issues so please be patient. If any of you are better at html than me please feel free to share. There must be some (well hidden) secret to fixing these issues. If you help me I will be your new best friend and possibly even ship you a huge bag of Cheetos (Lord Knows I don't need them). Okay.... its nappy time. I am getting sleepy again. Guess those fudgy oatmeal dollops are finally doing their job. I will be back later this week to tell you how the detox is going and to maybe post a current pic. Till then...... peace out!

Cute welcome back card can be found at this Etsy shop

Bathroom scale clip art (which I of course modified in Photoshop) can be found here

Crazy cute robot HTML clipart resides here


MB said...

Welcome back! Can't believe it has been so long. I'm in the got skinny and chubbed back up again club. I can't face the scale either. Time to hop on the wagon again. Let's do it!!!

X.I.R said...

Thanks MB! It happens to the best of us.... too bad I gave away most of my chubby clothes. I'm stuffed in my jeans like a sausage... Yep, we can do this. Skinny jeans here we come :)