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Scale Obsessed, Psychic Dreams & a Reality Check

I will get to my weight loss since I last posted but first I must admit that I am scale obsessed. There I said it. Scale obsessed. I KNOW that I should only weigh once a week. I KNOW that the body changes in ways not determined by weight. I KNOW a person's weight fluctuates throughout the week. Yet I feel the need to put my chubby brown ass on the scale EVERY morning. As I step onto the small, square torture trap I know that it can only give me one outcome that will make me happy: significant weight loss. How stupid am I? It is not going to make me happy every day. I KNOW that, but I feel drawn to it. Its my drug. Those rare days I actually step on it and it shows me that weight loss I feel euphoric and it is almost worth all the times it failed me. Almost. Now that I have admitted my problem, maybe someone out there can plan an intervention. I will sit on a couch and cry as my friends & family read me touching letters about why they are confiscating my scale. It will be fabulous.



Now onto the weight loss news. I have lost another 3.5 pounds. That is kinda great. Notice I said "kinda". The problem with my weight loss is that those pounds were lost LAST month. In October, I have only lost .2 pounds. That is kinda pitiful! Probably lost that breaking a nail or picking a zit. It is obvious to me that I have been slacking and need a reality check. I have now lost 47.5 pounds, now is not the time to get lazy! I am almost about to reach the big 50. It is easy to trick yourself into thinking that you are still doing everything right but the reality is I must be slacking somewhere. 


So I sat down yesterday to analyze what might be going on. It can't be my exercise routine. I still workout every day 1-2 hours (except Fridays). I vary my workouts using a mix of cycle class, Zumba, kickboxing, step class, running on treadmill, elliptical, cardio dance, and strength/toning exercises. Surely 10-12 hours of intense workouts per week is enough to evaporate a pound of fat or two! So if exercise is not the problem than it must be my diet. That really sucks. As a recovering eataholic, eating right is the hardest part for me. The reality? I have not been logging what I eat every day. Therefore I do not really know my calorie intake. Therefore I can't be sure I am eating the right amount. Therefore I am an idiot. 



I guess deep down inside I really knew what I was doing wrong. How do I know this? Because I was having those weird truthful dreams. I might be able to lie to myself when I am awake but the truth comes out at night. Let me tell you about the dream I had last night. If it wasn't so pitiful, it might actually be funny. In my dream I was at some kind of party. The party had a ton of fabulous foods displayed buffet style. Everyone was dressed fancy and having a good time. In this dream I kept getting up to get food (surprise... surprise). Yet every time I got food something would happen so I couldn't actually eat it.  Once the plate disappeared when I went to get silverware, another time I waited in line so long the food melted (don't ask) & still another time my mom pouted when she saw my plate and I ended up giving it to her. 


The final time I was at the buffet filling my plate I noticed that something was going on around me, that people were applauding. Curious, I stopped piling food on my plate to see what was happening. Two beautiful, slender girls were winning an award for best dancers. They were so pretty that everyone in the room was captivated. The guy was making a big deal about how hard they had worked and how fabulous it was that they had won. One was a stunning blond, the other a beautiful black girl. At that moment the black girl looked at me, smiled an apologetic smile and pointed at my feet. As I looked down I saw that while I had been staring at them I had tilted my plate and all my food had fallen to the floor. Then I woke up. Creepy huh?

 

So now I am "back on the wagon". I'm tired of the trickling weight loss, tired of the crazy dreams (trust me I was exhausted from trying to get a crumb all night long) and tired of working so hard at the gym only to fail on the scale. I am going to write down everything that passes through my lips. I am going to drink water till I float away. I am going to embrace fruits and vegetables like they are a long lost friend. Yummy Mai Tai, we can be no more. Although we only met occasionally, it is clear now you were sabotaging me. Maybe we can visit again in a skinnier time and place, but for now you must stay away. Tell your friends grilled stuffed burrito, vanilla wafers and Cherry Garcia that they have been given the boot. Till we meet again...... Arrivederci!


Cool scale pic (notice it tells you what to eat, not what you weigh) was obtained from Pleaseenjoy.com

Treadmill clipart was obtained from Promote Health & Wellness
Buffet pic was obtained from a cool weight loss blog: Out of Control Fat Roll

Yummy looking Mai Tai pic came from the Sunset site.



14 comments:

SleightGirl said...

Don't beat yourself up. When you lose weight slowly, you're setting yourself up to keep it off. It sounds like you're doing great...and as for food, make sure you allow yourself to have a treat every now and again...I've found that it keeps me from going crazy and binging which is a hundred times worse.

Keep it up! And good luck to you!

missbmckay said...

Great blog! Stay encouraged!

X.I.R said...

SleightGirl, thanks for your advice. Sometimes you know what to do but just find it hard to do it! I have been trained to appreciate instant gratification and weight loss takes forever. It is a journey and I am learning a lot along the way. You are right, I need to remember to treat myself without feeling guilty. After the week of Mia Tai's and vanilla wafers I still had a loss. Thanks for commenting!

X.I.R said...

missbmckay, thanks for reading my blog and commenting! I appreciate it :)

The Chubby Artist's Chubby Sister said...

Lil' sis, let me tell ya.....okay so I have so fallen off the wagon and it has run over my very large ass! fifty-friggin-pounds???!!! You're my hero (along with krispy kreme....huh...that could be the problem). I worked out 7 times over the pass 14 days (I know...pathetic to an athlete like yourself), an hour and a half each time, and then I...like an idiot... balanced that out with eating like a crazy person. That is like going through the drive thru and getting a double stack with cheese a small fry (I am on a diet) and a diet coke (for good measure).....congrats my skinny sister!
Love, your fat sister.

Stitch Witch said...

I haven't been around in a while but I wanted to say a big CONGRATS on being so close to 50 pounds!! That's a great accomplishment in itself. And you're right: you're working too hard at the gym to sabotage it by not eating right. Sometimes it's just a little switch, or decreasing each meal by a small amount rather than cutting out anything. BTW I wish that scale was real!

X.I.R said...

Hey chubby sis! Trust me, I have been dragged behind the same wagon you fell off! Weight loss is about as fun as a poke in the eye. Too much to remember, too much to do plus constant deprivation and sore muscles. This is your pep talk by the way..... in case you are confused :)

X.I.R said...

Hey Stitch Witch! Long time no see :) Thanks for the congrats! I am really going to focus on diet cause I know I am exercising enough. Makes me sick to think I work that hard only to stay the same. I have to eat out less and eat more fruits/vegetables. Ugh (and I mean Ugh!) Thanks for commenting.

HealthyMom said...

I weigh myself sometimes three times a day, Like whenever I am in the bathroom I get on that stupid scale.
Healthy Lifestyle
http://jumpnkicks.com

X.I.R said...

HealthyMom, I know what you mean. I (luckily) only weigh in the mornings but I am proud to say I have done a lot better this week! Thanks for commenting!

Anonymous said...

Keep up the great work! We over at Out of Control Fat Roll love the blog.

X.I.R said...

Thanks! I love your blog too! Hope everyone will go check it out!

Primary Work at Home said...

Great post! Thanks for sharing one.

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