Ok. So I have been missing in action for a while. I really did not realize that it had been so long since I last posted (well, until my sister e-mailed me with "um... did you really last post on your blog in March?!"). I'm sorry I haven't posted, but I have been busy experiencing deja vu. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines deja vu as "something overly or unpleasantly familiar". Based on that definition, I guess you could say that losing the same 5 pounds all over again qualifies as deja vu.
So here is how my nightmare began. I decided (in all my infinite wisdom) to go stay in Atlanta for a few days with my sister. No kids, no hubby, no exercise routine, and apparently.... no self-control. In those few days I treated myself (approx. 27 times) to fine dining, tasty treats and sweet, sultry beverages. Imagine my surprise when I returned home to find out I had gained almost 5 pounds? How the hell does one manage to gain 5 pounds in 3 days? (Answer: fresh strawberry cobbler, creamy shrimp and grits, turkey, cranberry, and stuffing sandwich on a homemade croissant.... oh and did I mention the grilled pork chops with brandy-glazed apples?).
I was mad and disgusted with myself. I decided there was no way I was blogging until I got those 5 pounds back off. I mean really, what would I have blogged about? The fact that the chubby artist was now chubbier? Or (big surprise) the fact that the chubby artist loves food and has a tendency to stuff her face? So for the past few weeks I have been losing those 5 crappy pounds. The good news (if there is any) is that they are finally gone and I can now move on to new territory. I am focusing all my energy and effort on losing 6 pounds. That will put me at 25 pounds lost (and place me a third of the way toward my goal). Ultimately, I would like to lose 2 pounds a week to reach my goal in 3 weeks. But with my luck it will probably take 3 months (especially if I have the pleasure of losing some of the pounds over & over again..... sorry, I'm a little bitter). Ok. Ok. Confession? Check. Goal? Check. Now lets discuss some bad dreams.
As you know from previous posts, I have been exercising like I have mad cow's disease (frequent, frantic and to the point of complete exhaustion). I am sore ALL of the time. There is never a time when something on me does not hurt. Every night I lay my throbbing, sore, achy body down and try to get some sleep. Unfortunately, my stupid body has major issues (remember when it tried to save me from starvation mode even though I have enough butt for two people?) and has therefore decided to translate the pain into bad dreams. So every night I now toss and turn, unconsciously inserting my aching arms and legs into some strangely bizarre dream. My favorite bad dream (so far) occurred two nights ago. In this dream I was running through the woods (where the Ewoks live) being chased by stormtroopers. I felt nervous and anxious all night as I hid among the large ferns hoping they would not find me. Of course in the dream my aching arms, legs and neck were a result of all the running and crouching. I was truly Princess Leia (without the buns and the skinny body). Of course this new side effect is leaving me completely exhausted. *Sigh* Starvation mode, deja vu weight loss and bad dreams. Isn't weight loss fun?
And finally lets end with a weight loss phenomenon. I know I've had a lot to say today but I have missed blogging and am on a roll (so bear with me). Anyway, I have been researching a lot of weight loss stories lately (chubby girl + desperation + dissertation = the ultimate fat researcher). In some of the most successful stories where a formally fat person is now skinny, the formally fat (now skinny) person would explain that they changed their diet, increased their exercise routine and "the weight just fell off". Um.... what is this weight loss phenomenon and where can I get some? In what alternative universe does the weight "just fall off"? I know this is not a myth and does seem to occur with a few "chosen" people such as Nicole Brewer from The Biggest Loser (who lost 87 pounds in 12 weeks at home, not on the ranch with trainers)! Seriously? In 14 weeks I have only lost 19 pounds (some of which I got to lose twice). She literally lost a middle schooler in 12 weeks while I have only lost a really fat chihuahua. I know 19 pounds is a pretty nice accomplishment, I know the slower you lose it the better chance you have of keeping it off, and I know that jealously is not attractive. But why can't I obtain my really fabulous body in 12 weeks too? Patience may be a virtue but instant gratification is also pretty damn sweet and satisfying. Or at least I imagine it is.
Fat people are harder to kidnap t-shirt can be found at Fat Guy Shirts
7% Fat Free t-shirt can be found at Uncle Frog's Gifts & Apparel
Stormtrooper picture (and info) can be found at this website
Nicole Brewer pics and interview can be found at People's TV Watch